Long Forgotten
by BlueAngel7810
Summary: Hiyori's life as Yato's shinki "My given name is Aiki, my vessel 'Ai'; I am called 'Aine' as a shinki. I was made a god's servant after my death, and although I conserved my past appearance, there is not a single memory of my human life I was able to retain." Yatori YatoxHiyori. You better read the manga until chapter 48 to understand properly although there is NO obvious spoiler.


_**Long Forgotten**_

My given name is Aiki, my vessel 'Ai'; I am called 'Aine' as a shinki. I was made a god's servant after my death, and although I conserved my past appearance, there is not a single memory of my human life I was able to retain.

As I wake up this morning, I gaze into my burgundy eyes in the mirror, thread my fingers through my waist-length chestnut hair and slip into the large blue sweater and pink skirt I was given just yesterday, the day I was named. I pout as I look back at my image - I must have been about eighteen when I died judging by the womanly curves of my body, though my face is still fairly round in shape like a child's and I am rather petite in size. However, what annoys me is the pitiful state my hair is in after that night's agitated slumber. It is all over my face in knots and tangles –no wonder I had so much trouble running my hands through this mess!

I scan the room. I'm alone in the attic of this unknown house. I was led here yesterday night, but I'm not familiar with my surroundings yet…No, this is not it…Actually, I have a certain feeling of ease welling up in my belly just by looking at the bare floor, the coffee table in the center of the room, and the futons piled up in a corner beside the sole window; as to where it comes from, I have absolutely no idea. What I know right now though, is that I have to settle my hair issue before going downstairs to hopefully find and greet my master.

With this purpose in mind, I carefully step out from the comfort of my warm covers and on the parquet, trying my best not to make anything creak while tiptoeing to the door. Having succeeded thanks to my newly discovered cat-like agility, I pry the door open to peer in its crack, making sure that no one is there to notice my horrific state. The coast is clear, so I step into the corridor and start scouting for a bathroom after descending a couple of stairs to the first floor. Looking around, I keep in a sigh at the sight of so many unlabeled doors on each side of the hallway before me. Curse my luck. Figures I would have to ask someone for the room's location, or at the very least, a hairbrush. Therefore I direct my steps to the second set of stairs at the end of the hallway but stop at once upon hearing voices down in the main room. Even if I have no intention of listening in, my destination happens to be where the voices originate from, so I let the words reach my ears absent-mindedly.

"…Shh! Don't say her name like that, Daikoku!" hisses someone, obviously a girl. "You…You'll wake her up if you do, and now you have to call her by her new name anyway!"

After a short pause "Yeah…you're right, Kofuku" replies a deep male voice "Do you think the other two are holding up okay?"

Silence follows, lingers until the one called Kofuku mumbles something too low for me to hear. Once on the ground-floor, I'm able to pick up the end of her sentence "…worried about them."

I really don't want to hear something I'm not supposed to. Instead I try to focus on my mission and gaze around again for my needed item. There is a hairbrush right there, a few meters away on my right in the next room. Relieved and without thinking, I make my way to it after pushing aside the white sliding panel that serves as a door. Finally I can make myself look decent! Just as this simple joy of brushing my hair passes by my head, it vanishes the moment I lay eyes on something, or rather someone laying on the floor underneath a messy blanket. In a short minute I am done with my work, so I can take a closer look at the figure, apparently a male's and fully clothed. Oh, there is another one too! Just a little further to the left! This one seems younger though, with a blond head sticking out from a bundle of covers. I don't know the latter, but after a little while I recognize the former–how can I not with the unmistakable threaded, navy blue jersey and this tattered cloth he dares to call a scarf? This is my new master, my god Yato.

The boy looks just about my age, maybe a little younger -although I know perfectly well that with his being a god, he might have been living for centuries- but what bothers me about him all of a sudden is how agitated he is in his sleep. I can see the hand that sneaked outside the covers despite the darkness still lingering around the room; it's shaking, in fact, like the whole of his body, quaking. The short, quiet intakes of air I can hear coming from him indicate something even an idiot would have figured out: sobs.

This isn't right. I don't know much about being a shinki just yet, but I'm sure of some things, one of them being that, had Yato not rescued my stray spirit from the Ayakashi the night before, I would have been much worse than dead. He had saved me, given me a name and put a roof on my head, so whatever is currently distressing him now –and I don't care in the least if I have only just met him- I am going to take away to the best of my abilities.

Oblivious to the shifting of sheets on the left side of the room, I make my way to kneel by my master's side. There I see his face, pale, unblemished, tear-soaked. Why is he crying? Is he having a nightmare? But what could possibly scare a god as powerful as him who had single-handedly slayed a huge Ayakashi? I don't dwell on this thought -I can't when my benefactor is currently in such state. He is whispering unintelligible words in between gasps, something that begins with the syllable 'hi' and ends with something that sounds like 'ru' or 'ri', I can't really tell. I take his cold hand in mine, at loss on what else I can do.

But as I sit there for several minutes, I feel eyes on me, and so I turn my head to find golden orbs fixed on my figure. They belong to the blond head I had noticed earlier, that of a teenage boy of about fourteen who had apparently just sat up to study me with a bewildered, shiny gaze. I return his look to convey my puzzlement, but a gasp almost escapes me when tears start pooling at the edges of his honey colored eyes. Before I can say anything, he jumps to his feet and loudly storms out of the room. I ponder for a moment if I have scared him or done anything wrong, but I can't ponder on the question for long as I feel a sudden movement under my hand.

I look back down at the rousing form of my master, eager to ask him the source of his trouble on one hand, but also wondering if such act would bother him or not. He props himself up on one elbow, eyes still half closed and directed to the floor as he brings his other hand to roughly wipe away the wet marks on his cheeks. He sniffles shamelessly –I think he might still be unaware of my presence because of his heavily lidded eyes- then when his gaze lands on my fingers on top of his, electric blue orbs widen to be filled with salty water again.

"Yato-sama!" I whisper, genuinely worried about his reaction. I would have asked if he was alright had he not sat up and pulled me to him in a tight embrace the next second. My eyes become as round as saucers at this unexpected turn of events. I cannot explain why his smell suddenly comes over my senses and makes me feel dizzy, or why he buries his head so deeply in my neck for tears to fall anew from his tightly shut eyes and onto my sweater. He is sobbing, loudly at that, and it seems by how broken he sounds that there is nothing I can do for him except to wait until it subsides. He is crying his heart out, gasping in pain, wailing; and I can do nothing to help my own master, my savior. I hold him for what appears to me like hours, though I'm not sure Yato's sobs ever stopped in that long span of time.

~O~

I am deeply shocked to find that after only a day my master's behavior has changed drastically. When the past morning he had done nothing but hold me for hours on end and beg me to stay by his side –to which I could only positively reply as he is my master and me his faithful shinki- he is now walking about the house with me after he had fetched me in my room. Yato is smiling at me with a depth I can't quite comprehend. I don't know him so well just yet but I do consider myself far from dumb; so while I can tell that he is very sad, maybe even devastated for some reason which remains obscure to me, I can't decipher the slightest clue that his smiles are counterfeit either. I think he might be trying to hold up.

"Yato-chan!" calls a voice I recognize as Kofuku's, the poverty goddess with pink hair and candy sweet eyes. She had introduced herself to me with a tight hug the previous evening, and although she had looked bitter then, I was sure that we could get along very well in time. She is sitting at the table in the living-room with her own shinki, Daikoku –a tall man in his mid-twenties in appearance, wearing an apron and serving green tea to his mistress- and the blond boy, Yukine, who turns out to be Yato's other skinki, guide, and main weapon in battle. Yato never lets go of my hand securely wrapped in his as we walk from the garden to the living room and sit side by side at the table to join the others.

"So Yato-chan," Kofuku begins light-heartedly "you still haven't shown us what Aine-chan can do!"

Both my master and I jump; him more from surprise, me from shock and mortification. What I can do? That is…

"Yeah…I forgot to mention that" Yato replies, smiling still, then turning to me "Are you ready for a little display?"

I bite my bottom lip and blush pink in embarrassment. Thankfully, his kind eyes are there to ease my stress a little, because after all, this is still very new to me. I nod nonetheless, murmuring shyly "Yes, Yato-sama."

His reassuring smile vanishes to be replaced by a displeased expression at this, so that I tilt my head to the side in wonder at what I had possibly done wrong. "This isn't right" he says, pouting "Just call me Yato, ok?"

I blink "W-what? But you are my master and…"

"No" His voice turns terribly cold, his frown very deep over his icy eyes, and his head lowered. I notice his tense jaw before he looks up again with what he musters as a more neutral expression "Yato only, please."

'Please' is a word he tends to use a lot when addressing me. It had only been two days and it already confuses me to no end that a _god_ like him would talk to a simple shinki so reverently. Moreover, the tone he has employed just now startles me. I don't know how much of him I still have to discover and I hope that this voice would not be the one he used on me again.

I nod hastily, feebly with lingering fear, and that is all he needs for his smile to return before he takes off the cloth around his neck and calls me "Come, Aiki!"

In a flash of light I feel my body vanish and transform. Part of our audience closes their eyes until they are able to behold whatever is to come. I open my eyes too once I feel secure with Yato again, but everything around me is rather…strange. I can see the outside world in my shinki form, but there is also this sort of bubble around me: It is pink in color and full of light, so that I see it tainting my skin, but it seems to only affect me. I will have to get used to this if Yato carries me in battle sometimes. In the meantime of my discoveries, the others have also dared to look. However they waste no time in laughing out loud.

"What!?" Yato yells, outraged as I cringe and blush in my 'bubble'.

While Yukine falls over on the floor with Daikoku in tow, Kofuku manages to speak in between snickers "It looks so cute, Yato-chan! I wish I could wear Aiki too!"

"Yeah!" Adds Yukine, red in the face because of the lack of air "It totally looks like a girl's accessory!"

Yato stands irate from the table and glowers at the three "It-does-NOT!"

But it does. Even I have to admit that the pastel pink scarf I turned into would mostly fit young girls, especially with the raspberry cat paw on the side. All of a sudden I feel so ashamed of being such a useless item. What could a war god like my master use a scarf for?

Yato suddenly lets out a small whimper and brings a hand to his neck. I emerge from my thoughts just as he calls me again "Revert, Aine." I appear kneeling by his side once again, but this doesn't seem to calm the other three who are still overcoming their fit of laughter. I look concernedly at Yato and he turns to me, composed "Don't beat yourself up, they're stupid."

"Hey! Watch it!" Growls Daikoku, brought back to earth by my master's comment.

I study the floor with a brighter blush on my cheeks and without caring about the interruption, Yato continues "Seriously, don't. You'll hurt me if you have bad thoughts. It's because of the connection between master and shinki" he explains.

I look up in shock, nodding instantly "Yes I promise, Yato-sa…" I catch myself just in time "Yato."

~O~

In spite of the others' comments, my master uses me in battle whenever he feels I am in too much danger by staying in my spirit form around Ayakashi –even though I managed to learn how to draw a boundary line correctly after two weeks' worth of practice under Yukine's guidance. It seems paradoxical for Yato to insist on taking me with him and Yukine on jobs when he banishes the thought of ever seeing me hurt; to the point where at the mere sight of my blood when I cut myself while helping Kofuku and Daikoku in the kitchen, he threw a fit and forced me out of the room to take care of my wound himself. I don't yet understand where this overprotectiveness of his comes from, especially when he never goes to such extents with Yukine or the others.

Yato takes care of me as if I were the apple of his eye. I even wonder how Yukine-kun who seems like a proud teenager –after I had known him for some time and studied his character a little bit- would not get jealous under such conditions. Whenever he has time to spare in those days when the sky is painted azure blue with birds flying and cats observing them from the ground with envy, Yato would take me on a walk around the bustling city; and when the weather doesn't permit such activity, we choose to stay at Kofuku's and I mediate the arguments between him and Yukine as the young shinki won't tolerate our master's antics when he is desperately trying to work. Watching Yato smile and joke around is always the best to me, which is why I enjoy those times immensely. However when night comes, he all but forces me to stay with him; he never asked me anything, only I can feel his eyes trailing behind me every time I walk up the stairs towards the solace of my room, and I simply know then, from that simple, yet heart-wrenching look, that he will be crying alone under his covers when he is certain Yukine is asleep. So one day I decide to take up the blond shinki on his absent-minded musing of having a room to himself –"I'm kinda old now!"he declares pointedly _._ I ask him which one he likes best between mine and the one he currently sleeps in on the ground floor and he replies that anything is fine as long as he doesn't have to bear with our obnoxious master in the morning anymore. So I invite Yato to move his futon in the attic with me. Yukine doesn't further question this suggestion and Yato can't be happier the following evening when he settles a little way beside me.

It would be a lie to say I slept soundly that first night, but as time went by I think I was finally comfortable with it all; waking up to have him sprawled over the floor in star-fashion or with his piercing blue eyes staring at me –I reflexively hit him because of this latter occurrence more than once, though he never retaliates and merely laughs every time to my sheer perplexity.

I believe we were happy then. Yato wasn't even crying in his sleep anymore and I felt I was doing my job as a shinki correctly, never blighting my master and helping him whenever I could. That is until one day, about four months after I was named.

It happened in our room in the attic after a long day of Ayakashi-hunting. It was so late in this night of spring that Kofuku and Daikoku had had dinner and gone to bed long before we came back –needless to say the food they had left on the table for us was untouched by morning, utterly spent and eager to sleep as we were (or appeared to be). I say 'appear to be' because once in the attic I found Yato still standing erect by the door of our room after I had sunk in my comfy futon and pillow. He was tired, I had no doubt, but as a god, I hadn't realized just how much stamina he had trained to obtain over the endless years of his existence. So while I had no energy to even stand because of the exhaustion brought by running away from Ayakashi and doing more or less stupid jobs all day, he seemed fit to last a little more.

"Yato?" I recall sitting up slowly and calling his name in wonder then as he made his way to my side.

He remained silent, gaze hidden by his bangs until he sat by me and placed his hand on mine. I didn't recoil; I was used to his contact because of the close bond we shared. Then he lifted his stunning blue eyes to meet mine –and stunned I was when I saw everything inside them: there was doubt, fear, anguish, pain, pain, pain…Why pain? I remember he was acting a little off that day, spacing out and not answering his phone immediately when it rung –something unthinkable for the God of Fortune Yato- but why was it so apparent now when he had done his very best to dissimulate it before? Moreover, why was such tenderness pooling in his eyes? I murmured his name once again, asking what was wrong in hopes of finding answers to all these inquiries, but instead he leant closer to me –to my face to be precise- and I gasped when his hand traveled up without daring to caress my cheek, his fingers hovering mere inches away from my skin so that I would have felt their warmth had my face not been burning twice as hot at the time.

"Aine…" Yato uttered my name in a whisper, so sweet and smooth that I could not believe he was driven by instinct or in a trance. He was perfectly conscious of what he was doing. I wanted to speak and question him but he beat me to it "I don't…I don't want to pretend anymore…It's too hard!" He squeezed his eyes shut at the last part.

Bemused, I could only say his name again as his fingers finally touched my cheek. I jumped more because of the earnest, pained look he gave me upon lifting his eyes back to mine than because of the gentle caress "Did you ever wonder why I called you 'Aine'?" He asked, his voice low, frail.

I wanted to shake my head but with his hand there on my face I could only muster a small "N-no, but Yato, what are you…?"

His hand left my cheek, instead it went to grab my smaller one and pull it up until it could rest on his chest, just above his heart. I was confused, to say the very least, to find it thumping hard against my palm, hard and _fast_ ; so very fast that it made me wonder if my master was hurt or if maybe this was the effect of some sickness.

"Do you understand?" Yato inquired, and it sounded so difficult for him to speak these breathy words that my latter theory suddenly seemed very accurate to me. Without the need for a vocal reply, my eyes conveyed that I didn't. At this he shifted his posture and freed the hand that was still on mine on the floor to bring it up to my own chest. I gasped again, my eyes widening as he left his palm flat a little above my left breast where the kanji for my name was marked, the top just visible under my V-necked shirt.

"'Ai' for 'Love'" He said calmly, undisturbed by my attempts to regain composure and wrench his obstinate hand away from my body "'Ne' for 'sound'" he finished as I finally jerked it away along with my wrist that he had been holding to his chest. I was positive I looked distraught with my hands hugged to my chest and my eyes wide in bewilderment. He was still sitting right before me with that same strange azure look that pierced into my very being with its utter melancholy. I struggled to suppress my nervousness to a minimum and stopped biting my lip "The sound of love?" I murmured barely audibly. It sounded so cheesy. Would the Yato I know really choose a name like that? Apparently he had but…"Why?"

And just like that, when I looked up, he closed the distance between his lips and mine; but he was only barely touching, barely pushing enough, not even moving. Frozen as I was, I could not react when he retreated abruptly, just as fast as he had first approached.

"I am a god," he whispered after a second, jaw tight in an effort not to let his voice crack "so a couple of months should mean nothing to me…" Yato dipped his head down, resting it on my shoulder and running his hands up my back to pull me to him. "…But this is just… _agony_."

A single tear rolled down my cheek. I was left like this, held by my dear god in the darkness of our shared room, mouth agape, staring into nothingness with this excruciating feeling of ache tugging at my heart to seemingly tear it to shreds, make it bleed dry, make me scream. I thought this might be what Yato must have been experiencing, the only thing was that I had no clue whatsoever why it was happening to me. There was this flood of emotion overcoming me…not quite nostalgia, something much deeper I was sure, although I could not place a name on it.

By the time I stopped trying to comprehend it, I found my face wet with and endless flow of tears, just like my shoulder where Yato rested. The only thing I could voice was the word of plea he always used on me "Please, don't cry!"

~O~

I let him hold me in his sleep ever since. I let him cry on my shoulder even though I'll probably never know the reason for his tears no matter how relentlessly I may ask. I let him embrace me whenever he needs comfort the most, and I return the embrace too, tenderly. I even let him kiss me when there is no other way. I don't know if it's alright to do so because we are god and shinki, but mostly because whenever he does it only testifies just how distressed he really is in spite of his smiles and everyday joyful attitude. I can't tell if the others are completely oblivious or not to his misery, although the one time I asked, they displayed a sort of resignation I did not understand –like always- as though they knew something that I would never find out about. Because I had grown terribly protective of my master, this angered me at the time. But I soon realized there was nothing I could do about it. Now we are all on good terms, still living at Kofuku's, although to me it looks a little too much like a joke; all these pretend smiles, this pretend-happiness… Yato often blames his weakness for having shown me his true feelings, but in truth I'm glad he has, regardless if out of weakness or honesty. However I wouldn't say I was more comfortable around him who let everything out when we were in private than with the others who constantly kept up their façades –or at least for a while, since one day I caught Yukine sobbing in front of Yato about something I could not hear.

Today, Yato allowed me to come to his job even though he was reluctant this time. A young man who lives in the outskirts of the city has called him this morning to request his aid in cleaning up his family's grave in the local cemetery as he is about to move out of the country to study abroad and has no time to do it himself. Yato always hated this kind of job. I can't help agreeing with him; cleaning a grave is also about paying respects and has to be done by a family member, but in this case Yato only gave in thanks to Yukine's coaxing about the Ayakashi that needed to be wiped out from the place.

We took care of this latter matter first. It took a while, but we had it done by three in the afternoon. Presently free to proceed to our task, we walk towards the Nishikawas' family grave at the back of the cemetery. Despite the gray clouds adorning the sky and the wind whistling ominously in this morbid, deserted place full of granite sepultures, I'm reassured by Yato's hand in mine, and everything is fine for the major part of the afternoon until we decide to walk back to Kofuku's. Yukine goes ahead, saying Daikoku asked for his help in the Oden shop.

As we walk, my eyes wander from the ground of gray pebbles and faded grass, to the gray tombs, to the gray sky. _'Everything is gray here'_ I remark mentally, even the buildings and skyscrapers far away in the distance are foggy because of the humidity of the atmosphere _'Maybe it's raining further this way'._ My eyes go back to the path before me and I catch the names written on the stones one after the other while passing by them. Yato is still silent by my side so I can drift into my thoughts with ease and I wonder: Are these people shinkis at the service of some gods out there? Did they turn into Ayakashi after their death? What if I actually knew some of them in my past life? …How long have I been dead?

Feeling the turmoil rising inside me, Yato squeezes my hand a bit tighter in his and, grateful for his care, I instantly turn to smile at him. Though, as I open my eyes again something attracts my gaze further behind him. It lasts only a couple of seconds but my brain has the time to process the writing on the tombstone. 'Iki Hiyori'.

And it hits me like the bus after following the white cat: the memories. I remember my family, my friends Ami and Yama, I remember a god in a tracksuit who promised me his help in turning me back to normal after I became a half-Ayakashi, I remember the misogi, the conspiracy against Bishamonten, the time I almost lost my god in the underworld, the sorcerer, everything up until I reached the age of eighteen and was pushed in front of a truck by a brown haired young man –ironically, the only thing I hardly recall is his exact face. I remember bleeding out in the middle of the street, I remember the sounds of voices and blaring sirens around me slowly fading, I remember imploring the gods with the last of my consciousness to let me see _him_ one last time as I finally realized much too late just how much he meant to me. "Yato."

He halts beside me, not yet aware of what is to come. Neither am I, but by some instinct, I can tell that my time is short; I feel something building up inside me, boiling; not rage nor fright, I am perfectly calm. Distressed and terribly sorry and sad, but calm, and I know that no matter what _it_ will happen.

So I seize my god's neck and find astounded, beautiful blue eyes staring back at me, and I kiss him with all I have. I take everything in, the feel of his skin with my hands on his cheeks, his taste, his warmth, his sweet smell that I always loved even in death. I know tears are running down my cheeks in torrents by now, but I can't stop. And Yato responds, hesitantly, but oh so willing to shower me with love in spite of his confusion, and I want him to hold me tight, to kiss me more, to love me more. _Longer_. But I know now as the boiling heat is replaced by icy shards in my body. It's over.

"Yato" I pull away from his lips to see his brilliant eyes for the very last time. Everything goes black at once without warning. In a murmur I can only give him my last plea, my last wish, even without the five yen coin "Kill me."

For Yato…For all the others, Yukine, Kofuku, Daikoku…For all the pain it was worth for them to have me by their side for what could have been eternity, I can only wish them to go on without me and hope that one day they will remember me with a smile on their face.

I love them. I love him.

* * *

 _ **A.N./:** I hate writing something so sad for Yato and Hiyori who deserve to be happy together againts all hardships. But...Well...I don't think having Hiyori become Yato's shinki would be considered a 'happy end' in any circumstance. Hence this._

 _I'm sorry if I messed up some of the terms like 'Ayakashi'/'phantom' stuff. The names change from one language to the other and although I've read the scans in English, it's kinda hard not to get mixed up with what's writen in the French release (in my country)._

 _I hope you liked it nonetheless._

 _Also, I called Hiyori 'Aine' as a shinki but if you guys have other ideas, feel free to tell me! Reviews are always welcome!_


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